


Situation: Infatuation

by dametokillfor



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Crack, Earth-2, F/F, Intern Ray, M/M, Mayor Snart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 20:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8342371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: “Mayor Snart.”“I have a situation, Palmer.” The voice on the other end of the line says, “And it’s Leonard. How many times do I have to remind you?”“Leonard, right. What’s the situation?”“Lisa’s set me up on a date. I’m going to kill him.” ---xIn which Ray is Mayor Snart's long suffering intern/personal assistant, and Leonard ends up on some pretty terrible dates.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this sat on my hard drive for actual months now. I've been trying to edit it into something I'm happy with for months. I'm still not 100% happy with it, but if I pick at it much more, it'll fall apart.
> 
> Title from Eve 6.

Felicity Smoak.

She’s funny, she’s smart, she’s laughing at Ray’s jokes. She’s twirling her blonde hair, tilting her head and smiling at him with fuchsia pink lips. Ray’s kind of infatuated with her already. He’s about to suggest they go and get a drink somewhere quieter, when his phone starts buzzing in his pocket.

He slaps his hand on his pocket, but the vibration pattern is unique, 911 in morse code against his thigh.

Mayor Snart.

Ray’s super embarrassing job calls at 9.07PM again, and again potentially ruins his chances of meeting someone gorgeous and rich to totally mooch off while he spends his life trying to get his tech off the ground.

“I… I need to take this.” Ray says, watching as her face falls, “Just wait here, I’ll be right back…”

He weaves through the crowd to the bathroom of the bar before Felicity can say a word, and considering how many she’s said, that’s a skill.

He locks the door and answers the call, leaning against the wall of the small room.

“Mayor Snart.”

“I have a situation, Palmer.” The voice on the other end of the line says, “And it’s Leonard. How many times do I have to remind you?”

“Leonard, right. What’s the situation?”

“Lisa’s set me up on a date. I’m going to kill him.”

“You need me to organise the paperwork for your free kill?” Ray tries not to sound exhausted.

“That was filed when I first got into office.”

Ray’s not sure that’s a joke.

“No, Palmer, I need you to invent a mayoral emergency to get me out of this.” Leonard says, “Rumours of a sex scandal, a meta emergency, something like that.”

“Okay.” Ray rubs his eyes, “Maybe a meta attacked the office, it was contained but you need to go and assess the damage.”

“Wouldn’t work, there’d have been news coverage.”

“You didn’t want to expose your office’s vulnerability, so kept it quiet.”

“I don’t know.”

“Or you could tell him the truth.”

“I hope Zoom kidnaps Lisa, just so I have a reason to leave?”

“Is he really that bad?”

“He outlined his five year plan before the entrees came. We’re going to have a dog called Mr Pickle, and honeymoon in Atlantis.” Leonard explains. Ray can picture him leaning back against the wall in a storage cupboard, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. Dishevelled, tired, ready to go home. Ray can’t help but smile a little at the image.

“Yikes. You need me to come down, and scream at you to come to the office? I’ve been told I do a great frantic.”

“No. I think I can work with an emergency. Thank you, Palmer. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good luck, Leonard. Let me know if I need to buy in some save the date cards.”

The last thing Ray hears is a grunt from Leonard, before he hangs up the phone. Ray can’t help resist sending a message to one of his friends, requesting a special delivery of flowers with a congratulations card to arrive at the Mayor’s office the next day.

\---x

“I have a situation, Palmer.”

There’s sweat dripping off him, and he’s panting. Ray just managed to stop the treadmill, and get out of the main gym before answering his phone, unfortunately not before the noise of the loud poppy Kendra single annoys the life out of everyone else in the room.

“What’s the situation, Leonard?” Ray asks, as he power walks through the gym to the changing rooms.

“Am I interrupting something, Raymond?” Leonard asks, his voice dipping into a low purr.

Ray’s heart is beating fast due to the workout, same with the sweat and the warmth in his stomach. He’s currently in the denial phase of his tiny little crush on Leonard. It means nothing, Leonard’s attractive, he’s wicked, and he’s smart, how could anyone not have a little crush?

“I’m in the gym, ass.” Ray tells him, “What’s the problem?”

“I think my date is underage.” Leonard explains.

Ray tries not to burst out laughing. It’s not funny. It would be really bad for Leonard if he’s busted on a date with an underage individual. However, as Ray knows Leonard would never do anything inappropriate with this kid, Ray thinks he’s allowed to have a little laugh at his expense.

“Keep laughing, Palmer. See if I let you visit family for the holidays.”

“You’d hand deliver scraps to my apartment.”

“Palmer, underage date. How do I get out of it?”

“Propose to him.” Ray suggests, “Teenage boys? Terrified of commitment. Tell him there’s an instant spark, you think you’re in love, it’s scary but it could be brilliant.”

“And when he accepts?”

“You look ravishing in blue, and I know someone who does wonderful cakes.”

“You’re fired.”

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

When Leonard arrives at work the next morning, there’s a cupcake with a plastic engagement ring on his desk. Ray will neither confirm nor deny having anything to do with it.

\---x

It’s Jax’s 21st birthday and every single one of the interns is out celebrating. Jax has a sash across his chest proclaiming his legality, and a group of gorgeous young women around him. The other interns are out on the dancefloor, wearing badges announcing the drinks are on them. Ray has one as well, but it’s hidden under his crossed arms.

Ray likes Jax. He’s a sweet kid, a hard worker and a whizz with mechanics. Ray’s had long conversations with him about some of his ideas and not only has he kept up, he’s offered ideas of his own.

However he’s still a kid, and Ray’s still an old man of 30, so the party really isn’t his scene.

He’s almost thankful when his phone buzzes, and not just because of who is on the other end.

Ray turns to excuse himself from the party, but realises there’s nobody nearby who would really notice his disappearance. There’s a brief moment of sadness, before more urgent duties call.

He looks down to see he’s missed a call from Leonard, and there’s a text waiting for him.

_You’re supposed to be at my beck and call all hours of the day, Raymond._

Ray can hear Leonard’s smooth drawl in his head, and he finds himself smiling. He’s passed denial sometime in the past few weeks, and yeah, he’s gone for Leonard.

Ray taps a quick reply out, _You’re very needy, Leonard._

_I wasn’t hugged enough as a child._

_Want me to start greeting you with a hug?_

_Raymond, people will talk._

People are talking. Ray’s seen the way people look at them, when they’re laughing and talking a little too close. It’s nothing untoward, they’re just colleagues who happen to be friendly. Besides Leonard could do better than a lowly intern.

Ray pulls himself out of woe is me territory to look at Leonard’s next message.

_My date is a reporter. They think I haven’t figured them out yet, but their glasses aren’t fooling anyone._

_Like Superman?_

_Raymond, that Daily Planet kid is not Superman. How do I get rid of them?_

He is though. Ray’s not stupid.

_Make up a load of completely ridiculous stories about yourself? Either they’ll hang on every word and discredit themself later, or they’ll realise you’ve figured it out._

He pauses for a moment before adding an extra reply.

_Or take off your glasses._

_Is this the sixth or seventh time I’ve fired you now?_

_I believe it’s the eighth._

Leonard goes quiet after that message, just as Jax appears to drag Ray back to the party and introduce him to the girls he’s charmed.

Ray still leaves the party alone about two hours later, pleasantly drunk and having spent the better part of an hour trying to explain an old 90’s dance craze.

He gets a final text as he falls into bed, and can’t help but smile.

_I have a secret life as a jewel thief and I’m using the proceeds to fund research into resurrecting dinosaurs._

Ray taps out a quick response before planting his face into his pillow.

_Be carefjl your e to prettyro go to jail_

(If Snart asks, Ray has a sister called Rayina who likes to cause trouble, and he’s completely straight thank you very much.

He’s certain Leonard doesn’t believe his completely ridiculous lie, but he does do him the courtesy of not mentioning it again.)

\---x

It’s another month til Leonard feels comfortable asking for Ray’s help to get out of a date, and this time Ray’s quite looking forward to it. 

By which he means he’s terrified, and is bound to give the game away.

Leonard’s date is one of his awful ex's. Someone who had dated him before he’d got into office, and cheated on him throughout his campaign. Leonard hated him, and hadn’t intended to go out with him again but had found himself talked into it. The man, Daniel, was a smooth talker and Leonard had been powerless. 

Rather than let him outright cancel, as he’d planned, his sister had talked him into a revenge plan. Leonard would take Daniel out, and would ignore him in favour of flirting with everyone else. When Daniel excused himself to the bathroom, Leonard would pounce on someone at the bar.

Originally the plan had been for Leonard to go for his best friend, Mick Rory, but the Fire Chief had other plans, so the honour had fallen to Ray.

So now Ray is sat at the bar, nursing a glass of red wine and trying not to have a panic attack. He’s trying not to watch Leonard, but it’s easier said than done.

He’s in a charcoal grey suit, which accentuates every long, slender inch of him perfectly. His long fingers are gripping a glass of Scotch a little too tight and he’s got a soft smile on his face as he looks down at his phone.

Ray hates him.

Ray’s phone buzzes across the bar, and he jumps the tiniest bit – half way out of his seat. He opens the message, and it’s Leonard telling him to relax. Ray contemplates a message telling him just how relaxed he is, but he can’t quite operate the keyboard.

“This some kind of kinky role play where you two pretend to be strangers?” The barmaid, a diminutive blonde woman, asks. She nods to Leonard.

Ray looks between the two of them, and shakes his head, “What, no, he’s my boss.”

She raises an eyebrow, “Really?”

“Not like that. He’s my actual boss, I’m just helping him out of a bad date.”

“Your boss.” She repeats, still sounding sceptical.

“Just my boss.” Ray says, firmly, “I’m not his type.”

It occurs to Ray suddenly that he doesn’t actually know what Leonard’s type is. He’s never met any of his dates, has always been asked for help with these people from afar. For all Ray knows, Leonard could be hooking up with scary goths.  

The barmaid, her nametag identifies her as Sara, nods towards Len’s table, “You sure about that?”

Ray gives her a look, before turning round to see Leonard standing to greet his date. His date, Daniel, who could be Ray’s identical twin. (Ray momentarily worries that he’s a triplet, and that he’s going to have to fight another brother for recognition at Thanksgiving).

The man is tall, broad shoulders, clearly well built under his suit. He’s got thick, dark hair – in a slightly less helmet-y style than Ray wears his own – and hard brown eyes. He’s smiling, but there’s no warmth.

Ray is trying to stay calm but it’s not happening. Leonard Snart is on a date with someone who could easily be his twin, and suddenly everything has changed.

He spins round on his chair to find a glass of scotch has been placed in front of him. Sara is looking at him with a sympathetic smile.

“Just your boss?” She asks.

Ray downs the glass of scotch and gestures for a second. It’s gone as soon as she puts it in front of him. The third follows the same way.

“You’re not going to be able to help him if you get so drunk you forget who he is.”

“Not possible.” Ray laughs, gestures for another drink.

He takes his time over the next two. Sara’s right, he’s here to do a job, not drown his confusing feelings about his bosses dates.

It’s about an hour before Leonard meets him at the bar, slides onto the chair next to him. Ray has been keeping an eye on the date in the mirror behind the bar. Leonard was doing a good impression of not hating this guy, laughing and flirting. It looked pretty cosy. Ray doesn’t hate them both. He thinks he might hate Scotch come the morning though.

“You sure you want to ruin this one, Mayor Snart?” Ray can hear the pettiness in his voice, and he actually thinks he hates himself more than them.

Leonard quirks an eyebrow at him, “How much have you had to drink?”

“Well I’m seeing two of me, so probably way too much!”

There’s a little smile on Leonard’s face, and Ray can’t stop staring at it. He’s so pretty, how was Ray ever not crazy about him? Ray’s giggling, and the small part of him that’s in his right mind is face palming something fierce.

“I'm taking you home.”

“What about sexy me?” Ray asks, waving in the general direction of the table Leonard and Daniel had been at.

“I brought you here to ruin our date. You did your job.” Leonard replies, gesturing to the barmaid, who is now a barman and he definitely wasn’t there earlier.

Leonard pays Ray’s tab, and helps him down from the stool. Leonard’s arms wraps around Ray’s back and Ray leans into him. He’s warm, solid, smells like everything good in Ray’s life.

The fresh air helps kick Ray’s head back into shape a little, he’s aware of how tightly he’s gripping Leonard and how deep his head is buried into the other man’s neck. He doesn’t want to extricate himself though, it’s nice here.

Leonard’s driver pulls up after a moment, and Ray has to let go. Leonard pulls the door open and makes sure Ray gets inside. Ray thinks he’s about to come with him, before Leonard straightens up and goes to shut the door.

He wants to beg Leonard to come with him, to put him to bed, to curl up next to him and never leave his crappy apartment. He's drunk, and he’s tired, and he’s confused and he’s kind of angry.

All that comes out is a pathetic whine of _Leonard_ as he stares up at him after being bundled into the car. Leonard’s face is a thousand emotions, and Ray wants to pick apart each one.

Leonard looks to his feet, “You don’t exactly make things easy for me either, Raymond.”

The words are so quiet, sound so broken and a little sad. Ray opens his mouth to apologise, to offer to resign, to pay him back for the Scotch or to tell him he'll get a cab or anything that will stop Leonard sounding sad. Instead of some heartfelt words, Leonard is greeted with a delightful stream of vomit.

\---x

Ray doesn’t want to return to work. He wants to stay in bed, hiding from everything and pretending he didn’t drink himself into a stupor, and that Leonard’s date didn’t look like him, and that he didn’t throw up on Leonard’s shoes.

Unfortunately his mother drummed a proper work ethic into him, and after taking a day – as suggested by Leonard – he returns to the office. With coffee. Because it never hurts to bring caffeine when apologising for puking on your boss.

He feels like everyone is looking at him as he makes his way to Leonard’s office, like they all know he made an idiot out of himself and that they all know about his crush. As if they didn’t before, how could they not?

He takes a moment to steel himself before knocking on Leonard’s door. He runs a hand through his hair and oh, a Cheerio, maybe people really were staring.

As Ray opens the door, he sees that Leonard’s not alone. There’s a dark haired young woman, sat on Leonard’s desk, who is looking at Ray with curiosity. Leonard won’t even let Ray touch his desk, which is probably why Ray has had so many dreams about Leonard bending him over it and…

“Mr Palmer.”

And Ray’s heart shatters into a thousand pieces, the shards swirling in his chest and slicing him open from the inside. Leonard hasn’t called him ‘Mr Palmer’ since the first week Ray had worked there. Palmer, Ray, _Raymond_ , but Mr Palmer is so formal. He’s ruined it, Leonard’s trying to push him away, trying to keep him at arm’s length, Ray’s fucked everything up and he should probably say something now because Leonard and the young woman are staring at him.

“Uh, I, I brought your morning coffee, Mayor Snart.” Ray says, quickly approaching the desk and putting both coffees down on the desk. The woman can have his. Ray doesn’t need caffeine, Ray needs his heart mending.

“Thank you, Mr Palmer.”

The young woman is looking between Ray and Leonard, with a curious look on her face. It’s like she’s figured Ray out, and is making assumptions. Ray wants to tell her that she’s safe to pursue Leonard, that he won’t get involved in ruining any more dates, that there’s nothing between them, that…

“ _Ray_.” The woman says, her face lighting up. There’s something about the way she says his name, something that’s unsettling Ray way too much.

She looks across at Leonard, “Lenny!”

_Lenny?_

“Lisa.” Leonard warns.

_Lisa?_

Lisa holds a hand out to Ray, “Lisa Snart, Lenny’s sister.”

“Uh, Ray Palmer, but you apparently know that.” Ray takes her hand, shakes it absently, “Your sister?”

“Unfortunately.” Leonard says, pulling his glasses off and rubbing his eyes, “Ray, thank you for the coffee. I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Oh don’t leave on my account, _Ray_.” Lisa hops off the desk, “I should probably be leaving anyway. Got a brunch date with Sara. Nice to meet you Ray, I hope I’ll be seeing more of you in the future.”

She slips round behind Leonard’s desk and drops a kiss on his cheek, “See you for dinner tonight, Lenny.”

Leonard waves her off, and holds his head in his hands while waiting for her to leave. As the door shuts, he looks up at Ray with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry about her.”

Ray shrugs, “I’m a twin. That’s nothing.”

“Let me guess, you’re the evil one?”

“You have no idea.”

Leonard smiles, and Ray almost feels giddy. Leonard gets up from behind his desk and walks round to stand in front of Ray.

“Ray, about the other night…” Leonard starts, his smile falling, “I…”

“I’m sorry.” Ray jumps in, “I was there to do a job. I shouldn’t have let my personal feelings get in the way of that. I shouldn’t have got drunk, and I should have done as you asked, and I really shouldn’t have puked on your shoes and…”

“Raymond, stop talking.” Leonard looks up at Ray, “ _Please_.”

Ray stops, zips his lips.

“I shouldn’t have involved you in my personal life. No matter how well we get on in the office, you’re still my employee and I had no right.” Leonard says.

“ _Now tell him you want to kiss his face.”_ The words come out of nowhere, and for a brief moment, Ray worries the office is haunted by a mind reading ghost.

Before Leonard presses the intercom button, and ruins Ray’s fun. “Thank you, Lisa.”

Leonard sighs, heavily and nods at the intercom, “And that.”

“You want to kiss my face?”

“Only if you never say it like that again.” Leonard replies, grimacing.

“Why?” Ray asks.

“For one, I’m not a 12 year old...”

“Me.” Ray clarifies, “Why me?”

Leonard gives Ray a look which he can only describe as _really Raymond._ Ray’s used to the look but never expected to see it in this situation.

“I like cute interns who’ll do anything to keep a job.” Leonard says, with a smile, “And you’ve done so much.”

Ray really wants to kiss him now. Really, really wants to kiss him. He’s still not entirely sure that Leonard isn’t messing with him, or that he’s basically imagining all the words Leonard’s just said. He’s suddenly conscious that he’s been quiet for the longest time, and it’s about time he says something.

“I don’t really have a sister called Rayina.”

That might not have been the best of starts.

“Well that does come as a surprise.”

And Snart is smiling, really smiling. It’s not a new hospital smile, or a sanitation commissioner smile, it’s something warm and different, and Ray feels like he’s going to throw up again.

He opens his mouth to apologise to Leonard again, and is cut off when the other man takes the initiative and kisses him. His hand tangling in Ray’s thick dark hair, his other arm wrapping around his shoulders, pulling Ray close to him.

It only takes Ray’s brain a moment to catch up – _genius_ – and he’s wrapping his own arms around Leonard, kissing him back like his life depends on it.

Maybe it does.

\---x

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Sara the waitress was Sara Lisa's girlfriend. And Daniel, Ray's doppelganger is Daniel Shaw from Chuck. 
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://damnstevens.tumblr.com).


End file.
